catching up while we are at home (from Beth)

We've been home for almost two weeks now. We had stacks of mail to go through and a few voicemails to answer.

I'll be posting more notes about our experience during our court hearing, which went very well, soon. Photos to come, too, I promise!

I spoke with the kids on the phone yesterday. And of course our conversation was brief. I asked how they each were and told them I loved them. But that is usually the most conversation you might have with anyone their age. Actually I think Maciej was being silly. I'm sure I slaughtered the phrase 'my name is' and then asked for the children by name. They came in a minute or two. I expected Milla (Emilia) first, and all I heard were zerbit noises. And finally Maciej let on that he was on the phone. He said he was fine. I told him I loved him and then asked for Michal. Michal told me he was fine, too. and I told him that I loved him. Emilia and I had a few more phrases that we could share and I was happy to connect with them even for a short bit.

I really started to miss them on Thursday, and Friday I was very sad. But I know this time apart will be very short and we will probably travel to see them sometime in December if all goes well. We'll spend about 8 days in Warsaw while the US embassy processes their paperwork. And I've said it enough times - I don't feel superstitious to say that they will probably be home for Christmas.

I called the Denmark schools this week and updated them on our trip. Lori (sp?) the receptionist said that the teachers had all been wondering about us. She said that everyone had been looking forward to news and having the children arrive. What a blessing to know they are anticipating some new students. We also have a quite a few friends from church that are teachers. One friend Becky, knows of a Polish international student at DePere High School - 10 miles away. I need to see if it will be possible, but Becky suggested that Magda (the hight school student) could join the kids with the ELL (English Language Learners) teachers once or twice a week.

So thank you everyone for the warm wishes and notes of encouragement while we were away and now at home. You don't know how much it means to me to hear all the kind words and excitement from those of you who have shared. It has been a long wait while we slogged through infertility and the adoption process. Obviously the hardest work is yet to come, but knowing so many of you are interested and care has and will make all the difference.

Love and Peace,
Beth

and about photos

many of you have requested more photos. I of course, took the photos at a fairly high resolution and file size. This would mean long upload times and that wasn't possible when the kids were with us. And we didn't have internet access the first 6 days - how did I survive!

So more photos are to come along with a few short videos that may get posted, too. It will be easiest at home with my suite of photo manipulation software which I miss dearly. But I'm grateful we've had this older laptop to communicate and not be worried about its value if it got lost or stolen.

Tim says its time for bed even though it is 2:30 in the afternoon (central standard time.) Here it is 9:30 - Dobranots (sp) - good night,
Beth

an evening without the kids

So we are closing in on the end of this first trip. We'll have been away for 26 days and are looking forward to being home.

Today we drove a few miles outside of Bialystok to the children's home where the kids have been living for two years. It seemed like a comfortable place, kind of out in the middle of now where. There were about 4 buildings. Emilia, Maciej and Michal live in the same building that seemed very similar the dorms like I had at Whitewater. Two beds in a room with two dressers and two wardrobes.

They were pretty happy to be in the place they called home. But earlier in the day, Emilia and Maciej were tipping their cards a little bit. They've been with us for three weeks and seem to think that having a mommie and daddy is a pretty good idea. So Emilia asked if she could stay with us instead of going to the orphanage. It was very sweet and could have made me crumble. But thankfully Lech, our guide/driver/translator/supernanny prepared us. He explained that Tim and I would be more upset than the kids. The kids would be going to the place they have called home and would be just fine.

I was trying to not to project how I would feel when we returned them to the children's home. I packed my pockets with tissue. But there were no tears. The kids were excited to show us their rooms and run around to check in on their friends. Of course, three weeks is a long time to hang out with two strangers and their siblings.

Tomorrow, Tim and I go to court. We were prepared this afternoon with Lech and our assigned lawyer. They went over questions we might be asked by the judge or anyone else concerned who will be at the hearing. We've had two interviews with the appointed psychologist so that helped us get used to being questioned and knowing what basics of what they are looking from us.

Last night we invited our court appointed interpreter Barbara, to our hotel room to chat with the kids about considering new names. Thanks to anyone who sent us responses. I guess it was the path of least resistance, but we remained pretty close to the kids original names. Emilia Elizabeth, Matthew Lukas and Michal Paul. Mom and Emilia talkied about Stella, but then Barbara help me show Emilia that she will be part of a lineage of women with names starting with E. My grandmothers were Elizabeth and Esther, my mother's name is Elaine, and I'm Elizabeth. So Emilia would be the forth generation in the E pattern.

We Anglicized Maciej to its form of Matthew to keep things easy. He mentioned Pavel or Paul last week, but said Lukas last night. So maybe he will be M. Lukas Wattleworth if he really prefers - we'll see. Michal will stay the same since the spelling will be easy in a US context. He suggested Mark a few days ago, but requested Paul last night.

So mom and dad are resting quietly in the room. I bought about 12 DVD movies that will play in both Polish and English. I accidently grabbed the English/Hugarian version of Spiderman! So we watched Shrek in English.

Did I mention it is really quiet in here.

This has been an unusual way to create a family. Of course, about 95% of the people we told about our intentions to adopt three kids said - 'WOW - instant family!' This trip is where we feel like this was the most true. We were without our standard resources and support network. We don't know the language though I think I've picked up about 20-30 words. Apparently I must say 'oh my goodness' a lot, because, Maciej was repeating that back to me like a myna bird. Another hurdle has been keeping the kids busy for the entire day in a hotel room and a town you are not familiar with.

There are a few things that will be worked on when we get home. The kids haven't been exposed to people of different cultures, abilities or colors. Poland is fairly homogeneous place like many European countries have been, but of course are changing in this interconnected world. So Green Bay will offer a few chances for 'teaching moments'. I'm thinking swim lessons at the YMCA will be a big hit with them. I can't believe how fast their swimming improved over the span of a week. I didn't want to force them learn anything, but I guess there are somethings that come naturally if you spend the time. The YMCA teachers will instruct on technique and will be easier when the can understand English instructions.

I'm thinking that Maciej/Matthew and Michal will probably get enrolled in Karate or another martial arts program. They have such strength and probably feel the need to physically defend themselves often. Martial arts might help channel that and show when it is appropriate to use your defenses. Emilia may be signed up for that, too.

Emilia and Maciej/Matthew are very artistic. Their drawings and coloring is very thoughtful and advanced. Art camp will be on the list. Otherwise first things first and school will be primary. We're grateful that we'll have ESL English as a Second Language (or it might be called another acronym now) in Denmark's school district.

We might travel back to Poland for our second trip to bring them home during the first or second week of December. We'll see if it makes sense for them to stay home from school until the second semester resumes. We'll just see how the kids do when we get home and how the school wants to place them. Then we move forward from there.

Most of the parents we've spoken to from our Polish adoptive connections said that they had more limited visits with their adoptive children. So we may be misunderstanding their stories, but I'm amazed we've manuevered this gauntlet. For newbie parents I'm pretty pleased. I've been tired, exhausted and at my wit's end countless times. Though I'm still happy with our plan to try to build our family this way. Tim was struggling during the first few days but gave me confidence with his support of me. But Tim has hit a stride - he's getting the hang of this daddy thing. And we've only had two brief spats.

Of course, we'll have (hopefully) a lifetime more of the wonderful, the good, the boring, the bad and the ugly, but that's what it is all about.

your chance to . . . .

suggest a name for the children.

Currently Emilia age 9, Maciej age 7.5 and Michal turned 6 on the day we met the kids, October 15.

I didn't realize that we are supposed to submit new names on this trip. I guess we'll do so for our court appearance on 5 Nov at 10 am.

I didn't bring any of the baby name books that I had. I'd love to hear any ideas for names if you have any. Emilia and I have tossed a few names around - the one that is sticking has been Stella. She is very fiery, smart and verbal. She has that mahogany colored hair, plum red lips and fair skin color. She can be very sharp and shrill with her brothers but also affectionate and contemplative (or maybe just bored sometimes.) I tend to call her Milla (Mee-la) and with all the polish conjugations is also referred to as Emilka - which I don't think will be very popular in the dairy state.

So Stella seems to be on the top of the list, but what 9 yr old girl doesn't want to change her name. She is an excellent drawer and artist. She like the Barbie style doll she picked out and the pink horse that came with it. She's also strong and fast - chasing her brothers at the playland and taking full advantage of the playground equipment when we are at parks. As I've written, she's used to being the head of the household, but quickly allowed mom to baby her at bath and bed time.

Before we met, I liked Emilia Jane Perry Wattleworth. I also liked Lucia (loo-sha or lu-chia) because its root is Lux meaning light, pure light. So Stella Lucia seems to work, meaning star light. Today, I'm thinking Stella Blue - Star of Blue, But her personality has always come off as red to me.

The boys may be best off with their original names and we'll use nicknames for everyday use. Maciej (Mah-check) is a form of Matthew, which Emilia and Maciej are tossing around. Tim has always liked it for a boys name and it is ok with me. When asked he said he likes Pawel (Pavel) or anglicized Paul. Maciej is very gentlemanly, bowing and directing me into the van when we are headed somewhere. His first line of protection/defence is charm. He's a bit impish trying something he's not supposed to do, and then beaming a huge smile to deflect any distractions that might give him away. He is physically affectionate and eagerly receives kisses from mom and high fives from dad. He'll sit on either one of our laps without thought. He is also very good at drawing and coloring. He enjoys order and can be very serene. Though he's awfully good at defending himself in a physical scuffle and making explosion noises during play.

Michal (Mee-how) said he liked Marek or Mark. As I've said before, Michal has the toughest armor. He has pulled it back for us but we are still unsure what is beneath. I'm guessing a fairly sensitive little guy who has had to toughen quickly in his rough life. He is incredibly strong and energetic. He is fairly good at coloring. Though Polish kids start kindergarten at age 6, so he's had more unstructured play/learning. He will accept a kiss when no one is looking. And he wants a sleeping partner though he's so chatty at night, Emilia and Maciej want to find their own corner. He slept with us from one am on, two nights ago. It has been the only night anyone woke in the middle of the night and called to me/us. We had just finished watching Harry Potter II so he may have had some scary thoughts. He is definitely the most cautious one and watches to see how his older brother and sister handle something before he'll consider something. He's working in his own time and that is pretty normal from what I know of other kids.

We met with the court appointed interpreter and I think we will meet with her tomorrow to see if she wants to help us communicate with the kids about new names and what connotations they will have in the US. She was a lovely lady and she is kind of like a woman from my church. In the short time we spent with her, (during an interview with a psychologist and a short trip in the car to drop her off) she asked if I had ever gone mushrooming. What a question! Though I know it is a popular Polish hobby. She said she enjoyed it better than a hobby like fishing because you can search for mushrooms and eat them without killing anything. She was excited to speak with native English speakers so I'm sure she would enjoy the visit as much as we would appreciate it.

pass along any ideas you like and hopefully we'll get them before our court appointment.

mom gets a few hours to herself

Tim took the kids to the indoor playland so I've had a few hours to nap and catch up on email.

We have two more days left and we are so looking forward to going home. Of course the kids will stay here. Our guide says that we should not worry about the children while we are gone because the are going to the home they know and it will be generally very comfortable for them.

I think he's right and we'll have a tougher time after being accoustomed to the noise and action. I know there are things that we need to get done, too. We need to set up the bunk beds for the boys. I want to do some picture hanging and decorating in Emilia's room. I also need to go through the clothes I've accumulated from resale, rummage shopping and hand me downs.

Emilia is about a 7/8 - on target from the information we initally received. She has a good shape/proportion and is usually a good eater.

Maciej is about a 5/6. The caretakers said that he is a picky eater, but we haven't seen that. He might have just been sick of the same ole, same old food that was served. Really I've just noticed that he's a slow eater. Not a bad habit in our fast food nation. He is rather thin, but overcame a head cold he had earlier during our visit. The psychologist encouraged us to give him medicine and vitamins. I guess I didn't realize it was ok to do so because US schools are so strict about who can dole out medicine that I held back a little. I had baby aspirin and children's motrin, but thoughtlessly bought Theraflu which has acetominphin (not good for kids with a fever I think.) We didn't have internet access initally so I couldn't check for sure. Communicating with the pharmacist was not easy after the psychologist gave me the message to use whatever I had at my disposal. I gave Maciej the benedryl I had for myself, hoping the anti-histamine would help. He didn't have a fever or at least that is what the thermometer said (I think he understood to hold it under his tounge.) Something worked and his nose stopped running and he was more energetic. I also doled out vitamin C and a children's daily to everyone at breakfast, too.

Michal is on the smaller side, about 4/5. Some of the clothes sent with them had 3T on the tags. They fit him in the waist but not length, so that seems like a good sign. He has been the pickiest eater, but mostly he's just playing games to see what he can get away with. We've seen him devour just about anything we serve, but on the next day, he'll act as though we've offered him a plate of mud. He is ultra strong, the first week I had bruises from his tantrum meltdowns. We were at an round about traffic intersection and he didn't want to hold mom's hand. Man alive - he wailed me, kicking my thighs and somehow he nailed my hips so it was difficult to lay on my side at night. We are catching the meltdown pattern faster, so I only have one bruise on my right knee, but that could be from anything at this point.

entry from Beth 10/31/07

Its just past noon on Wednesday, Halloween. Tomorrow will be All Saints Day and I’m looking forward to the holiday. Everyone will be off of work and will head to the cemeteries with candles and I’m not sure what else.

We’ve been with the kids for fifteen days now. It has been a grueling marathon and I’m grateful that Tim and I have naturally complemented each other and grown closer through the challenges. He has totally stepped up. I thought I would be the enforcer and was in the beginning. Now he is the hammer. Mom sees when someone is about to crack or winding up for a fight or a meltdown. But dad has brought life to the meaning to ‘wait until your father comes home.’ I’m so impressed and thrilled. All the good attributes I knew he had are coming out. He was terribly nervous about the first four days. But he has just morphed into robo-Dad both fun and tough.

He was super supportive to me during the first few days, telling me how well I was doing and how impressed he was. Now I’m impressed with his super work.

The biggest challenge is language. There have been too many miscommunications to count that have probably ended up in someone crying. I thought I would be crying more, but the kids have had their share of breakdowns, because I’m sure this is terribly confusing to them. They have told our guide/translator/driver/supernanny Lech, that they would like a new family. The oldest remembers the difficulties with her mother. Emilia put it well that she didn’t (and couldn’t) be with her old family and she likes the idea of her new mommie and daddy. I think she and the boys like us, too. I don’t think we are too scary for three kids to consider as an alternative to the orphanage.

It doesn’t hurt that they have been away from school for the whole time and we have done a lot of fun things. Today we are at Fikoland, a great indoor playground. It has a huge climbing structure with tubes, slides, small punching bags, two ball pits and levels to scramble around on. This is incredibly fantastic because it is mostly drizzly and chilly today and there is only so much you can do in a hotel room to keep every body occupied. Tim has been chasing him around the play maze like a maniac – an incredible trooper.

We’ve colored at least half the pages in the coloring books we brought and the ones we bought here. Our main goal is to avoid fights and meltdowns – a seemingly never ending job during this phase.

I think we’re getting a bit of a rhythm down, probably not as regimented as the orphanage, but enough where we have a little continuity. It has been a little bit like that scene from I Love Lucy, where Lucy and Ethel are working in the candy factory. One activity is keeping them occupied and then on to the next.

In Wroclaw, we had many things outside our door; the central square – the Rynek, the movie theater playing Ratatouie, the mall three blocks away, the puppet theater, a historic painted Wroclaw Panorama of a battle between the Russians and the Poles in the 1800s, walking past many historic cathedrals, a few outdoor playgrounds and the live saver to beat all, the pool in hotel basement. I felt like I was being a little extravagant in wanting a hotel with a pool, but OMG it was a life saver. We didn’t have to leave the building and one of us could go down to the pool with the kids and the other could have some quiet time in the room, just a phone call away if reinforcements were needed.

Even before this journey, I’ve come to learn that I’m a slow processor of emotion. I know have very strong emotions. It might to take me a few weeks or months to conclude what I went through or felt about something. I think I usually put things in my head first, and try to come up with a solution. But eventually I realize I’ve been upset because I didn’t stick up for myself or speak up when I should have.


So for now I’m running on auto pilot trying accomplish the tasks for the day. I’m not sure when my heart will catch up with my head but it will. I’m just not sure when.

Wroclaw was a beautiful town and I would have loved to stroll around and do more shopping. But we have other fish to fry now. The kids weren’t really into the cathedrals and actually some of the religious statuary is kind of scary from a kids point of view. We did visit two while in Wroclaw which is pretty easy to do, because it is the seat of the bishop of the region. We went to church next door on 10 Oct, but it was pretty cold in the church. It was at the Cathedral of Mary Magadelene (she’s my favorite disciple) and it was about 50° F outside and inside. I sent the kids back to the room with Tim after about 10 minutes of the service and I stayed for about a half hour. I could see my breath when I sang the only words I knew - Alleluia. Everything else in Polish of course.

I’ve been able to get by on a few words in public, with pointing and hand gestures. Most of the cashiers know a little English or will get their co-worker who knows the most English. I would love to know more, but the level of conjugation is incredible – every word seems to have five variations depending on variables I can’t begin to absorb. Otherwise, I’d like to have been more prepared. I’ve sung in seven different languages which helps with pronunciation and deciphering words. I could get by in French, but this is a whole new ball game.